Hi there – I’m Heather Brown and I am going to share a personal experience with you about my weight journey. This is a bit of a read and I’m not a writer or anything so sorry if there are any punctuation, spelling errors.
As mentioned, this is my personal weight journey and so the topic of weight may not be for everyone so please only read if you feel comfortable enough.
Where do I begin?
I had been lucky enough not to worry too much about my weight until about 2013. Well that’s when I noticed anyways. In high school, I always had curves and of course thought, “oh I would love to be this girl’s size” at times but I don’t remember it ever troubling me too much.
I’ve always been really bad at eating. I was super fussy when I was younger and although I got better throughout the years, I still to this day am pretty rubbish. I don’t eat fruit (rank)🤢 and I eat limited veg. For goodness sake, I used to order pasta with butter at Italian restaurants and if it had like a green bit of parsley on top, I was like offended 😂 that’s how deep it goes.
I went to college to study performing arts in 2009 and I just kinda ate what I wanted. It was kind of my first experience away from high school with the freedom of spending money on the food I wanted and that was mostly from the vending machine. Thinking back, for what I ate, I should have ended up heavier than I was at that time but again, I wasn’t like super thin.
After college in 2010 I went on to study at another college and studied musical theatre. There was a café next door and again, I just kind of did what I wanted in terms of food. Like high school, again, I don’t remember ever feeling that my size was a massive issue at college and I wouldn’t agonise over looking like someone else. No more than the usual thought every now and then “oh it would be nice to look like her”.
I then left college in 2011. I really struggled with confidence in myself. Not so much again with weight but just within my self and I guess what I was capable of. I started to work in the café next door, which was great and they helped me build some of my confidence back up and were very patient with me. (I’ve even joked before that I was like the troll they kept in the back because I was so scared to come out to the front and serve people and would just peer round the corner every so often) 😂. But, there was a lot of tempting food and although healthy options were available to me, I didn’t choose them. I didn’t pick anything horrific but I would have a bacon baguette for lunch instead of like a salad or something. So I was eating reasonably normal amounts of food but just constantly eating the “not so healthy thing” and that can start to build up. I gradually put on weight but again, didn’t particularly notice over the years. But then in February 2013 I just decided I was gonna lose weight. I’m not sure why to be honest, it just happened.
I worked really hard in the gym and at other exercise and watched my weight and calories like a hawk. It wasn’t easy and it became an obsession. But I was losing weight so it wasn’t really an issue in my head.
I went about it the whole wrong way. I would over exercise, under eat, try supplements to help when the weight would plateau, weigh myself more than once a day, every day. I remember being so hungry going for a food shop with Robbie (my husband) I was hangry and got super annoyed when we were there and I just snapped
“we need to go right now, let’s get the stuff and go, yo